No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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