The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize