Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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