Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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