When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm having to shit out rocks
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