Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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