he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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