I hope mine doesn't look like that
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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