if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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