If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
