Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
