Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
