I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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