It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
