I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize