so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
