I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
