Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
