Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My feet surprised me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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