No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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