Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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