duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
