I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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