look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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