I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
