then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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