If that was your dad, he is hot
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
