Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize