you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
