dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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