kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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