So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
