yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just found puke in my bra..
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
