8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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