saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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