Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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