you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
