So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
