His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
