awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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