I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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