My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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