My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
