You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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