How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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