now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
