office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
3pm strippers are depressing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize