dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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