I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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