Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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