I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
