i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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