I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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