You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
