vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
