it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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