Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
