you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I lost the right to judge tonight
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
