We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
