you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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