I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
