i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
