I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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