We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
