I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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