Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have fence marks all over my body
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
