you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
