your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
