you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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