just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
